Feathers, Bones, and Shells
by Tirya King
Summary: A mother and her son contemplate each other on the last day of their lives.
1. Requiem for a Mother

Title: Feathers, Bones, and Shells

Author:  Tirya King

Email: Tirya56hotmail.com

Summary: A mother and her son contemplate each other on the last days of their lives.

Rating:  PG

Disclaimer:  I discovered to my immense surprise and delight that Harry Potter did indeed belong to me!!! …then I woke up.  Oh yeah, 'Feathers, Bones, and Shells' and 'Gartan Mother's Lullaby' belong to singers that I can't recall right now, but they're not mine.

Feedback:  Does a body good!

Category:  Drama/Angst

Spoilers:  The last chapter takes place right before the main event of OotP so if you haven't read it, don't read this.  Also, the first chapter may not make sense if you haven't read the book anyway.

A/N:  sigh   Why must I always stick up for the villains?  Oh well.  This is my own little tribute to a mother who loves her son… even if she doesn't know it.  I'll probably be lynched for doing this for Mrs. Black, but really people, she's a fun person to jump inside the mind of!  I think there was much more going on behind the scenes than Miss Rowling said.

_This is a flashback!!!_

Feathers, Bones, and Shells

Part One:  Requiem for a Mother

_The sound of my heart_

_Is ancient and true_

_And it sings like a thousand bells_

_For sorrow and grace_

_For my love of you_

_The feathers, the bones, and the shells_

She knew she was dying.  She had been for some time.  Some form of cancer, the Healers had said.  There was no cure, not among the most specialized of Healers.  Some had suggested a Muggle form of treatment.  The idea was quickly cast aside.  It would only prolong the inevitable, prolong the pain.  Such a thing would suck out her beauty as well, any remaining dignity the noble lady possessed.  No, no Muggle thing would ever touch her for as long as she lived!

Such a young age to die, mused Lady Black as she climbed slowly up the stairs.  Surely 53 years was not enough to accomplish all that one needed to do before death?  Especially now that there was no one left.  But then… perhaps it was not such a terrible thing.  She had outlived her immediate family by many many years.  Now in this large lonely house, the woman felt incomplete, longing for something.  Death offered her completion.

At her heels, Victoria heard her faithful House Elf tuttering over her.  He was a sweet thing, really.  He truly did care what happened to her.  It was nice to know someone did, no matter how insignificant they were.

"Kreacher," she said in her strong voice, betraying none of her pain or exhaustion.  "I will take my tea in my room this afternoon.  Then I will rest.  Wake me for supper if I am not awake already."

"Yes, Mistress," Kreacher chirped immediately.  "But Kreacher would help Mistress to her room first.  He does not want her to fall."

"As you will," she replied.  A year ago, a month ago, she would have coldly ordered him to the kitchen.  Now, though, she knew he had a point.  Even climbing the staircase was becoming too much of a chore these days.  It was tiring, slow work to move up and down when one's insides felt rotten and weak.  Last week even, she had lost her footing and would have fallen to her death if it hadn't been for her servant who had snapped his fingers and caught her in his magical web.

Finally, the room came within sight.  The hard part was over.  Now all she had was to reach her sitting table near the window and all would be well.  She heard her Elf move to fetch her tea and stopped him.  "Kreacher, include my herbs for pain and to ease breathing."

"Yes, Mistress," he bowed and scampered away, his ears flopping with his movements.  She sank with a sigh into her large cushioned chair.  Was she really so old that she could not even walk across her home without a need for rest?  Glancing at herself in the window, she knew she was.  Gray streaks ran through her once long raven locks.  Her sharp blue eyes were growing dull and lines marred her face.  Her body, once slim and graceful, thinned so much that the skin sagged in places where there was no more muscle.

Though aged, one could still see the regal woman that yet held control over the body.  She was nothing if not dignified.  Even in the comfort of her own home, with no one to see her weakness, she would not allow it to show.  It had been a grand performance perfected during her youth, and she played it still.  No one would see she was weak.  Not her servant who was surely not as thick as he seemed, and not herself, who felt every shift of her aching bones.

Victoria alone knew what it was to become old.  Her husband died 20 years ago last May.  Her youngest son not yet 10 years ago.  Her eldest, well, if he were not dead already, he wouldn't be able to understand what it was to grow old anymore.  If he even knew his name it would be a miracle.

No, no, she mused, placing a well-manicured finger to her lips in thought.  Sirius was always exceptional.  He was a Black, of course he would be magnificent, that was a given.  For all the bitterness and grief that clouded her heart when it came to her eldest, she knew enough to admit his gifts.  If there was a way to survive in that god-forsaken prison, her son would find it.  Of that, she was sure.

She couldn't help but chuckle darkly.  Backstabbed the Potters, and killed a wizard and 12 Muggles besides… it was absurd!  Even she, who would sooner curse him than admit his lineage, could not believe such a thing of him.  A disappointment to the family to be sure, a ne'er do-well most certainly, but a slaughterer of innocents even if they were Mudbloods?  She could no more believe that of her honorable boy than of herself.  Lady Black chuckled again at the look on dear Sirius' face if he knew that the only one who believed him innocent was the woman he damned to Hell.

Many years had come and gone since she heard anything about Sirius.  He had been taken to prison about 4 years ago and in that time, she had a lot of time to think as his memory became lost in the general public.  She knew that as the lone matriarch of a dying family of nobles, she had to protect that family like a she-wolf.  Nothing could taint the line.  And that included such blood traitors as her failure of a first-born.  As a woman herself, Victoria's heart broke to cut him from the family.  He had run on his own, no mother could throw her son out to the streets.  But she would not go back on what she had to do.  And the mother inside grieved for her lost son even as she blasted his name off the family tree.

Her musings were interrupted by the rattling of china.  Kreacher waddled through the mahogany door, his ears the only things visible behind the large pot and the cup beside it.  A tray of biscuits she could never finish was balanced on top of his balding head.  He too was growing old and she suddenly just realized it.  He was in his prime when young Victoria, a blushing bride then, was first introduced into the family.  And he had served throughout the years, outliving his own kin, before becoming the lone servant of the mansion.

"Set it next to the bed," she told him as he looked at her curiously.  Usually when she took her tea in this room, it would be on the table before her.  However he did as he was told without question.

"Mistress," he began hesitantly.  "Mistress seems troubled.  Is there anything for Kreacher to do?  Anything to ease her dilemma?" 

"No, Kreacher, you can not help me.  It is nothing.  Just the musings of an old woman.  I was thinking about Sirius, that was all.  Wondering I did right by him." 

He immediately paused from the pouring of tea at the sound of her voice.  On the surface, it was flippant and uncaring, but he hadn't served the Black family for decades and learned nothing.  He could hear the inflection of her voice quite clearly.  It had been years since her voice wavered like that, as though unsure of herself.  Surely that could not be so!  Mistress was a wise and fine lady.  What could she possibly be uncertain of? 

It was a minute or so before the House Elf spoke next.  His former young Master's name had not been uttered in this house for 6 years.  It was as though the first-born Black had never existed, and that was the way Lady Black had wanted it.  But he couldn't not speak once directly spoken to.

"Mistress did all she could to do right by the boy.  Hot-tempered he was.  Stubborn and reckless.  His faults are not to be blamed on Mistress.  He is a blood traitor and now he rots in Azkaban where he belongs."

"My last remaining family," she sighed, "and he wastes away in a prison, surrounded by dementors, when he should be here, watching over his poor sick mother."

"Mistress is too kind to worry for that traitor," Kreacher scoffed gently.  "He was ungrateful and would not listen to Mistress' wisdom.  He would have sullied the bloodline if given the chance, just to spite Mistress.  He befriended half-breeds, fools, menaces, and Mudbloods.  He was not worthy of his name."

"No," she agreed.  "I suppose he wasn't.  I shouldn't have thought he was worth my compassion.  I would have done anything for him.  Anything he wanted, all he had to do was ask me.  But he abused it, became spoiled and disgruntled.  He is a blood traitor and deserves to be wallowing in filth rather than in this mansion, waiting for me to die so he could inherit it all."

Inwardly she sighed.  'But how I miss him so.  Him and his brother.'  Her husband she never knew well enough to miss in her old age.  Theirs was a political marriage, arranged by their parents who both came from pure and noble lines.  They got along fine, even became friends towards the end of Castor's life, but there was little romance involved.  Her true joy lay in her children.  She would teach them everything.  They would be the noblemen they were born to be and never want for anything.

They were each her precious treasures, more valuable than all the wealth her husband could grant her.  And each very different.  Her youngest had been chosen out of default to continue the family.  Her poor little angel, cut down long before his time.  Her dear 'little lion king.'  How brave he was to stand up to that traitor Voldemort who had asked him to kill innocent purebloods as well as those miserable mudbloods.

Yet her youngest born, noble and brave as he was, had always lacked the fire that made up his ancestors.  He agreed with his parents, which would please any parent, but Lady Black noticed something else.  He would agree because his brother would disagree, or because his parents simply said it was so.  Adored by his mother, as was the family baby's right, Regulus nevertheless was not destined to be the leader the family needed.  No, that spot was taken by a mere whelp of a disappointment.

Sirius, her 'bright shining star', was her eldest by two years.  He had all the fire and spirit that would make any parent proud.  A sharp mind, keen sense of pride, the finest breeding, and the looks to wrap up any loose ends.  Named for the passionate and bright star, it was obvious from the day he was born that he would be strong.  He always wanted to be heard, needed his opinions to be known and his feelings heeded.

_ The wail of a baby rang throughout the house, waking all occupants immediately.  Castor rolled over in bed miserably putting a pillow over his head.  "Does the child never sleep?!  He hasn't quieted once since bringing him home!"_

_Victoria sat up sleepily, realizing the futility of even attempting to sleep.  Her little one truly hadn't let his family sleep in over a week.  One thing was for certain, he had inherited his mother's pair of lungs.  Any of her relatives could attest to that._

_"I'll take him, Castor," she offered out of habit.  She knew that he would not budge from that bed until the morning came, crying babe or no.  Besides, children were for House Elves and mothers.  He neither knew nor wished to know how to care for a baby._

_"Let Kreacher do it," he groaned.  "You haven't slept either since he came home.  I do not want a sick wife as well as a screaming baby."_

_"Nonsense," __Victoria__ huffed as she wrapped her robe around her elegant silk nightgown.  "Kreacher frightens him.  Besides, I am his mother.  If I cannot calm him, who can?"_

_Castor sighed and clutched the pillow tighter over his head.  "As you will, Lady."  Then nothing came more from him other than disgruntled sighs of uneasy sleep._

_The nursery was a few doors down from the main bedroom, yet even with shut doors and silencing charms, her son could be heard loud and clear.  If this was what it was to have children, __Victoria__ silently vowed to remain chaste and barren for the remainder of her days.  Her mother had gone on and on about the rewards of motherhood, but she had yet to see any thusfar.  A torrential pregnancy and a newborn who cried himself into exhaustion.  Was it too late to send the boy back to the hospital?_

_Opening the nursery, she waved her wand.  The enchanted night sky on the ceiling produced a shining full moon so she could see properly without blinding herself or her son.  Leaning over the crib was her House Elf trying his hardest to placate his new Master.  His efforts yielded only louder cries.  It was a wonder the Elf wasn't deaf yet._

_"Leave us, Kreacher.  You only frighten him more," ordered the woman gliding her to son's side.  The Elf jumped slightly, having been caught unawares.  Perhaps his hearing was being affected after all._

_"Kreacher did not hear Mistress enter," he said bowing to her.  "He was only trying to…"_

_"Leave us," she ordered again sternly, unhappy at having to repeat herself at such an ungodly hour.  He bowed once again and scampered off.  She sighed wearily as she scooped Sirius into her arms.  "What is wrong, my son?  Why won't you let your poor mother sleep?  She worked so hard to bring you into this world, try to enjoy it before you decide it is not to your liking."_

_He cried on unceasingly.  __Victoria__ conjured a warm bottle and sat near the window to feed him.  "I cannot keep doing this, Sirius.  We both need our rest."  Her ears rang slightly at the sudden silence as the boy drank from the bottle hungrily.  Walking up to the mirror that was over the bureau, she took in her reflection._

_"My Lady, you look dreadful," the enchanted mirror said.  "Are you getting enough sleep?"_

_She sighed at her worn and tired features.  After working so hard her whole life to maintain a beautiful elegance, and 2 weeks after giving birth she looked like a wasted old hag.  She didn't even want to think about the extra pounds that stayed after the pregnancy… and the stretch marks!  Those would have to go!  "No one is getting any sleep these days," she mumbled to herself in response as she turned form the mirror in disgust._

_Finished with his bottle, baby Sirius decided there was nothing left to do but continue with his previous endeavor.  His exhausted mother blanched at the sight of his little face scrunching, preparing for the inevitable.  Panicking, she did the first thing that came to mind.  She sang him a lullaby she hadn't heard since she was little herself._

_"Sleep, oh babe, for the red bee hums_

_The silent twilight falls_

_Eva from the gray rock comes_

_To wrap the world enthralled"_

_He whimpered slightly, but did not wail out.  Taking this as encouragement, she continued, sitting in the rocking chair next to the crib.  His large blue eyes opened to regard the woman before him._

_"And laying there, oh my child, my joy_

_My love and heat's desire_

_The crickets sing you a lullaby_

_Beside the dying fire"_

_Gurgling peacefully, he grasped the well manicured finger that stroked his velvet forehead.  __Victoria__ smiled down at him as his eyes looked into her own matching pair.  Maybe this mothering business wasn't so bad._

_"Dusk has come and the Green Man's Horn_

_Is wreathed in rings of fog_

_Shivra sails his boat till morn_

_Along the starry bog"_

_She yawned and stood slowly, so as not to jostle the baby that lightly dozed in her arms.  He yawned as well and snuggled into her warmth, clutching her night robe in tiny fists.  __Victoria__ stood over the crib, placing the babe inside._

_"And over it all the paley moon_

_Has gleamed her cusp in dew_

_And weeps to hear the sad sleep tune_

_I sing, oh love, for you"_

_Waving her wand once more, the moon vanished, darkening the room so the child could sleep uninterrupted.  Tomorrow would be hard, and young Sirius probably would cry relentlessly until his parents were ready to go mad.  But right now, in this moment, everything was calm and perfect for a mother and her son._

_"And laying there, oh my child, my joy_

_My love and heart's desire_

_The crickets sing you a lullaby_

_Beside the dying fire."_

Victoria pushed against the chair, using all her energy to get to her bed.  She was growing weaker and weaker now.  She needed more care than a House Elf could provide.  But that was not available to her.  All of her family was dead or wished ill of her.  Where had things gone so wrong with her eldest?  He had been ready to take over the family, she could see it.  He had taken to the noble life like a mermaid to water.

It wasn't until he first attended Hogwarts that any real problems arose.  Even then, it hadn't gotten so out of hand until the middle of his schooling years.  Those ruffian boys he insisted on associating with turned his mind against his family!  His own flesh and blood!  Delinquents the lot of them!  They deserved the messy end that had befallen them.

That Potter boy from a good bloodline with parents who were too soft and weak to appreciate it.  They allowed him to do whatever he wished with no disciplining his mischievous ways.  Then that Pettigrew child.  His family was full of fools and dunderheads.  Not a working brain cell in the whole family so that boy only kept Sirius back from his true potential.  Just a brainless boy who needed protection.  And the final insult came in the form of a Half-breed monstrosity.  The others she could stomach for tea on one afternoon per month.  But no son of hers would befriend a werewolf pup!  The only thing a wolf was good for was target practice!  Her son should know better than to speak with such an unworthy beast.

Sirius, his heart too big for his brain, stood up for them, every last one.  Even managed to make himself enemies of the sons of friends of hers; the Malfoys and the Snapes.  Both very honorable and influential families.  And her eldest had to throw away such useful ties in favor of a band of misfit pranksters.

But his big heart was something to be admired, she supposed.  His loyalty ran strong, and those who he saw under his protection would have a fierce defender to the end.  Once upon a time, Victoria and her youngest were under his 'circle of protection.'  There are worse crimes in the world than caring too much.  He had often accused her of not caring enough, or of caring too much about things of little consequence.  Did that boy not realize the responsibilities that must be borne because of a noble heritage?  Did he think she took particular pleasure in blasting his name off the family tree?

No, wherever he was, he would have nothing to do with her.  So be it, then.  If that fool of a boy would forsake his family for doomed Mudbloods and Half-breeds, then there was less a stain on the family for it.  Perhaps his running away had its advantages as well.  Yet, even though it was not her place to love him anymore, the memory of him sleeping in her arms, of his bright trusting eyes, identical to hers, staring at her as she sang; it was these memories that would not allow her to forget or hate him completely.  He was her son.  And the small part of her that was still his mother wished him comfort wherever he was, even she could not offer it to him.

An hour later a soft knock came at the door.  Two large floppy ears poked through as their owner fidgeted from side to side, unknowing of what to do if she did not grant him entrance.  "Mistress?  Kreacher has come for the tray.  And he has come to say supper is ready.  May he come in?"

At no answer again, he assumed she was sleeping and tip-toed in.  As he collected the cooled tea, untouched still, and the biscuits that were hard and brittle, he looked over at his Mistress.  Her face was relaxed and no pain was visible on her elegant face.  A small wistful smile played on her lips, one that he hadn't seen in years.

And even when the wizards came to collect old Victoria Black from the ancient house, it looked as though she were only sleeping.

_I try to believe_

_Wherever you are_

_There's a sky and a sea of blue_

_And someone you trust_

_With sheltering arms_

_Have finally comforted you_


	2. Requiem for a Son

A/N: At first there was only going to be the one chapter from part one focusing only on Sirius' mum. But my muse said that showing both sides would be better, so here it is. BTW, the flashback is significantly larger than last chapter's so let's see how that works.

Part Two: Requiem for a Son

_The touch of your hand  
Still lives in my skin  
Like a shadow I can't embrace  
Wherever it ends  
Is where it begins  
Without ever leaving a trace_

Sirius sighed good-naturedly as he lightly dabbed his pet's foreleg with a wet cloth. The hippogriff wasn't so badly hurt, despite all the pitiful whining noises he was making, yet it was something that needed seeing to. Besides, Sirius had been bored to tears lately and this provided a good distraction for him.

"Now how in the world did you get your leg cut, Buckbeak?" he asked rhetorically. "You're inside the comfiest room in the house." The hippogriff did not answer, but as the animagus wasn't expecting a response, it was fine.

With everyone out of the house, Sirius easily fell into a bit of a stupor. The children were at school learning how to be good little productive wizards and witches. The adults were out doing things for the Order like good little vigilantes. And Sirius remained here, like a good little useless puppy.

He wanted out. And he wanted out NOW. When he was on the run during the first year or so after his escape, he would have given anything to have a safe place to live. But now that he was a prisoner in his own house, Sirius could feel the months of disuse wearing down on him.

And it wasn't even that he was in a house with no way out. It was that it was THIS house that he was a prisoner of. This god-forsaken pit that he thought he escaped years and years ago. When he had stormed out when he was 16 with only his school trunk, he was under the assumption that it would be for forever. He couldn't take his bigoted parents, with their obsession with the 'family honor and heritage.' And he couldn't take his soft little brother who could have had his own mind, but ended up siding with whatever made their parents happy. It was maddening and sick and he couldn't take it anymore.

Now the old occupants of the bed were long dead and buried, except for one walking corpse of a House Elf, yet the memory remained the same. And he found that the memories today hurt almost as badly as when he first ran away.

In his own way, he was able to deal with it. Cleaning out the house of dark and dangerous artifacts was only one way. Giving Buckbeak his parents' old room was another. But these little things, while gave him some satisfaction, couldn't make him come to terms with the Black house. That, he had to learn over a long period of nearly a year.

He gave Remus Regulus' old room. The position of 'brother' had most certainly been fulfilled by the werewolf where Regulus had fallen short. Harry and Ron were given the old nursery. In his mind, Sirius felt it fitting. The future was supposed to be housed in such a place. And they were certainly the future. Sirius wanted Harry to have as little contact with his sordid past as possible.

As for himself, Sirius took his own room back. It was just as he had left it all those years ago, which was more than a little surprising. A small part of him wished it was because his mother left it for him to return to. A silly wish. She probably couldn't stomach entering it long enough to clear it.

Sometimes he would lie awake with his eyes closed and pretend that things were different. Buckbeak shuffling around became two parents who loved each other and him. Remus waking up became a vibrant younger Regulus who adored his elder brother. And he was 16 again, with his whole life ahead of him. Then his eyes would open and the dream would end.

Once upon a time, he didn't have to pretend. No, his family wasn't perfect, but few were. He hadn't known his father well. Castor traveled often and died when Sirius was still young. His mother he didn't really see often until his 10th year when he would start to attend the parties she loved so much. Regulus had been his best friend growing up before he met James. They did everything together until Sirius split from the family. But Regulus' love for 'the good of the family' outweighed any ties he had with his estranged brother.

Molly often accused him of living in the past. Said he was a grown man and should start acting like it for Harry's sake if for no one else.

"I'm in my mid-thirties," he said to an indifferent Buckbeak as he wrapped the gauze tighter. "But I still feel no older than 20. Time stops in that prison, can't she realize that? How can she expect me to behave like an adult when in my mind, I just got out of school?" He chuckled lightly. "That woman frets more than Mother ever did. She keeps yelling that Harry is not James, and how _dare_ I think that. I'm his bloody _godfather_, aren't I? I was the first one to hold him after his parents. That boy is my world, and I love him like he was my own. She has no right accusing me of otherwise. She'd take him away from me if she could."

Sometimes he wondered if James were mad to name Sirius the godfather. Of them all, he was most irresponsible. Even as children, they all decided he would be the first of them sent to Azkaban. The Potters knew they were living on borrowed him, that Sirius stood a good chance of needing to accept his vows. At the time, Sirius felt the most unworthy of all. He didn't exactly have the best experiences when it came to quality parenting either.

But he would give his life for those under his protection. That he knew. James must have known that as well.

He sighed and thought back to his mother. "I wonder if you could say the same, Mother. Would you risk life and soul for me?" At his most bitter and angry, he would say of course not. That his mother had been a cold and vengeful woman who cared only for her fancy parties and rich friends. But when he was more calm and logical, like now, he knew that that was not the case.

For all her faults, Victoria was a Black. And Blacks promoted the welfare of the family. Protected the family with everything they had. And as the heir of said family, Sirius was well taken care of. He liked to think that his mother didn't care only for her heir, but for her son as well. There had certainly been a time when he had been as precious to her as Regulus was, or any of her numerous jewels. Even though he and Lady Black fought nearly constantly about everything, there had been a fondness there beneath it all. Quick minds like theirs enjoyed the challenge, needed it to keep from going sluggish. But there was love there… yes, despite it all, there had been love.

_Lightning flashed again and thunder roared almost immediately. No one sane should have been out in this storm. Therefore, it only made sense that the two young boys of __12 Grimmauld Place__ could be seen racing through the streets with their coats held over their heads._

_"Mother is going to kill you," Regulus shouted over the deafening thunder. But his voice was filled with laughter, and his light blue eyes sparkled._

_"Me?" his elder brother shouted back. "You're the one that took forever at the bookshop." He looked up at his leather jacket mournfully. "This'll cost a fortune to have fixed."_

_"Sod on your jacket! My new books are soaked!" He looked over at Sirius. "But I did have fun today, Siri."_

_Sirius grinned back. "Me too, Reg."_

_Just as another lightning bolt struck dangerously close to the pair, they reached the enchanted doorstep of their home. They looked at each other with mutual dread and Sirius reached for the doorknob. Just as the 15-year old touched the door to his home, it flew open of its own accord._

_Before the soaked boys could comprehend what was happening, they were ushered inside by two gnarly hands._

_"Young Masters, what are you doing returning so late? Mistress is in a fury and dinner is in 10 minutes. You are not showered or dressed or…"_

_"Oh shut up, Kreacher," Sirius pushed the House Elf aside and walked further into the hall. "Where's my mother?"_

_"Not another step, young man!" came a familiar yell. "Not in those filthy shoes on my clean carpet!" A rustle of skirts preceded the entrance of Lady __Victoria__ in all her glory. Dressed in her finest royal blue dress and enough diamonds and sapphires to sink a ship, she looked ready to receive the Queen herself. Her finely manicured hands clutched at her gown as she flew down the stairs in quite an unladylike manner. Her hair, neatly done in jewels and curls, was beginning to look windblown._

_For a moment, Sirius thought he saw worry on her normally impassive face as she looked he and his brother over. But the look quickly fled from her face and was replaced by anger. "And just what in the name of Merlin possessed you to stay out 4 hours passed what I said? And in a storm of all things! Regulus, I told you to get your books, and…"_

_"It was my fault, Mother," Sirius stepped forward in his muddy shoes. "Remus met me at the bookshop, and we went to find…"_

_"Oh, not another word about that filthy mutt friend of yours," her anger now rounded on her eldest. "You know I do not approve of you consorting with his kind."_

_His chin lifted higher. "I know."_

_Unwilling to fight with her son who was soaking and late, Mrs. Black let his impudence slide this once. "Well, you're making us even later by standing in the hall like a fool in your soaked clothes. Take off your shoes and come upstairs. You too, Regulus." With that, she turned and walked upstairs, expecting the three other members of her household to follow._

_Kreacher__ waddled up the stairs after his Mistress faithfully as the boys took off their shoes. The two looked at each other with mutual exasperation and dread. Their mother was nearly impossible to live with when it came to her little dinner parties for all the extended family and her friends._

_Sirius entered his room and saw his robes for the evening already laying across his bed. Kreacher was at work cleaning up the mud he managed to track in. All the while, the Elf was tugging on his sleeves to make him hurry and get changed._

_The boy suppressed a shudder as he felt the servant's gnarly hands on his skin. Kreacher always managed to freak him out and it had been this way for as long as he could remember._

_"Leave me alone, Kreacher. I am perfectly able to get dressed all on my lonesome."_

_Kreacher__ scowled at this, but moved to obey, unable to do anything but. He stopped at the door. "Mistress asked Kreacher to tell Young Master to see her after he is done getting ready."_

_"Alright, fine," Sirius waved him away. "I'll go talk to her. Now get out of here, will you?" he sighed to himself and put on the royal blue robes that matched his mother's dress and his brother's robes._

_James had once commented on the Black family robes, describing them as 'plumage fit for peacocks.' Personally, Sirius rather liked them. With these robes he would never want for anything. He had a family, friends, status, money… He didn't have to like everything about the Blacks. In fact, he hated most of what they stood for. But they were family. He belonged with them. And as the heir of the family, he had certain responsibilities. Besides, with the power to change the image of the family, he didn't mind so much._

_Over the clasped cloak came a finely crafted golden necklace with the crest of the family on it. It was just in time, because as soon as he was done, there came a knock at the door._

_"Come in," he called out. It was his mother as expected. Her hair was now fixed and her makeup reapplied so she looked like a porcelain doll once more. She looked him over with disdain._

_"Are you still not ready?" she asked._

_"I am ready, Mother," he answered though he knew what she meant. She glared at him, knowing he knew what she meant and waved her wand at his head._

_"If you insist on keeping your hair a shaggy mop, you will make it presentable the few times you do more than play with your delinquent friends."_

_He sighed and reached up to feel his hair, which was now magically slicked back. "Presentable? Mother, it looks like it hasn't been washed for months now. Almost like Severus."_

_She slapped his hand away and glared at his comparisons. He only didn't use the pet name 'Snivellus' because he knew she would hex him into oblivion heir or no. The Snapes were good friends of hers, and an insult upon her friends meant an insult upon her. And no one insulted the Black matriarch and lived with all their body parts intact._

_"Hold your tongue, you impudent boy," she seethed. "You look like a gentleman, so don't open your mouth and ruin the illusion." She walked around him like a shark, eyeing him for any flaws in the appearance. Now and then she would straighten a wrinkle or fix a clasp. "I know that it was Regulus who kept you two out late. I know a liar when I see one, and you, my son, are the worst. If you were with that wolf pup you would have told a lie to make it seem like you weren't."_

_"I defy you all the time, Mother, who's to say I don't tell you the truth if only because I know you don't like it?"_

_She stopped in front of him and fixed the Black crest on his throat. "You defy me to my face, you defy me behind my back, and you defy me in front of Regulus and Kreacher. But you never defy me in public, nor do you do it on a night where you know guests are over who are always listening for scandal." He had to smile at her reasoning._

_"Mother, you must find other hobbies besides deducing logic and patterns in my defiance."_

_"It's called managing more than oneself. I suggest you try it sometime. Which leads me to my next order of business. You defended Regulus when it was his fault. Why?"_

_"I'm a Black, aren't I? Family is my first loyalty. I had to protect him, didn't I?"_

_"You make him soft by letting him rely on you. Blacks are strong. He must own up to his responsibilities to this family." She adjusted his cloak for the millionth time so she didn't have to look him in the eye. "Something might have happened. You were hours late and with that new group out putting Mudbloods in their place, you might…"_

_"Murderers you mean. Killing innocents for no…"_

_"The point is, Sirius, is that something might have happened tonight. You and your ridiculous jacket may have fooled them into thinking you were nothing but a Muggle." Was that worry he saw again in her eyes?_

_"Then blame me. I'm older and it's my jacket. I should have made sure we were home in time."_

_"It was his errand, so it was his duty to be back on time. You were merely to keep an eye on him. Telling him where to go when will not teach him anything. I'll let him get away with it this time, but I warn you, Sirius, not to coddle him again."_

_Her eldest grinned cheekily. "Isn't it the baby's right to be coddled?"_

_"Sirius, shut up."_

_He chuckled and followed her out the door to meet his brother on the top of the stairs. They were to go down together as a family with Mrs. Black first, Sirius a step to her right and back, and Regulus a step to her left and 2 steps back._

_  
It was customary for the guests to arrive as the hosts prepared themselves. So the sound of the party already going on reached the upper floor._

_Regulus__ was fiddling with his own clasp on his cloak when they arrived. Sirius came up and helped him fix it with a practiced hand. The younger boy smirked at his brother. "Don't we look smart this evening, big brother?"_

_Sirius ruffled his hair fondly. "You look rather sharp yourself, Reg. Ready to go crash this thing?"_

_His brother chuckled, but shook his head. "Unlike you, Siri, my goal in life is not to get kicked out of the family before I graduate."_

_Sirius sighed dramatically. Though he took his familial duties seriously, his brother acted as though this family were his love and life. "My dear baby brother, you assume so little of me. Great Aunt Callisto was disowned in her 17th year. If I get kicked out, it will be long before then."_

_Regulus__ clapped Sirius on the back. "Even among failures you insist on being the best."_

_"Well I am a Black."_

_"Quiet you two. That's enough foolishness for the evening," their exasperated mother hissed. She waved her wand again, fixing Regulus' ruffled hair. "It's time to go. And Sirius, if you do not behave and be polite to the others tonight, I will put a fire hex on your jacket so quickly…"_

_"Yes, ma'm," he saluted smartly. "I can play nice for one night."_

_"You had better," she threatened before starting her way downstairs. They obediently took their places and followed her to the dining hall._

_Sirius mentally prepped himself for the evening. The hardest part was the beginning and it got easier as the night wore on. Normally he loved being the center of attention. But here he could only be Sirius Black, heir. Padfoot could not open up. He could not make people laugh at his antics like he wanted. He had to adhere to a certain set of rules. This kind of attention only made him uncomfortable._

_Entering the room, he turned his body on autopilot. If he had to stop and think about what he was doing, he doubted he'd be able to go through with it all. The least of pleasant duties lay right before him in the shape of a greasy haired git and his family._

_"Lord Alcor, Lady Navi, you remember my sons, Sirius and Regulus," she said to her first guests, the Snapes.__ The pair were unpleasant to look at and even worse to know. Long friends with the Blacks, Sirius would not dare speak against them in front of his mother, but he knew that when the time came, he would cut all ties to them forever. He was sure that Severus, currently decked out in his finest, no doubt forced to by his own mother, would have little objection. At the moment, said greasy haired git had an air of indifference on his face, but would not look at his rival for fear of losing control and hexing him on the spot._

_"Ah yes, young Master Sirius," Alcor nodded to the eldest boy. "I have heard that you are doing quite well in school this year. Severus speaks most highly of your skills. Particularly in dueling."_

_This was all a part of the game they played every year. The younger generation usually put up a friendly front if only to get their parents off their backs. It was doubtful that Alcor ever heard much complaint about Sirius, just as Sirius would not speak of his problems with the youngest Snape. But he knew that it would never go so far as to 'speak most highly' of the other._

_"I am hoping to do well in my O.W.L.'s this year, Sir," he said politely inclining his head. "I find that preparation ahead of time is the best way." Oh if James could see him now. Dear Prongs always did hate this sort of formality. Sirius himself had little patience for it. His natural inclination was to say what he felt when he felt it. But as he believed his mother's threats about destroying his jacket, he performed this game flawlessly._

_"He is most successful in each of his classes," __Victoria__ went on with obvious pride. "Though I daresay he hasn't the gift that your son has in Potions."_

_Now that the mutual complements were over with, Sirius was no longer needed in the conversation. With Regulus at his side, he made the rounds of all the guests, greeting them each properly like a good little heir to the throne. Welcoming the Malfoys to his home took some real forcing out. But with Regulus at his side, it was a bit easier to do._

_"Sirius!__ Regulus!" came a new voice. Turning around, he was nearly tackled by his younger cousin, Andromeda. Her two older sisters, Narcissa, and Bellatrix were a bit more subdued in greeting their cousins, but happy all the same. Those three lived for parties as any girl their age did._

_Narcissa__, the eldest at 15 years of age, immediately went off to greet her other cousins, once chatting with Sirius and Regulus for a while. She was a bit too vain for Sirius' tastes and thought very little of his notorious pranks in school. She had learned the hard way to steer clear of him when possible._

_Bellatrix__, the least pleasant of the three sisters at 14 years old merely said hello before leaving to discuss various things with Rodolphus and Rastaban who were both distant relatives of theirs._

_He looked back at his mother as the party got rolling. She was talking with his uncle Alphard now, talking about his latest accomplishments at school. He noticed that his Aunt Sagitta was absent from this reunion as she had been absent at most of his mother's functions for quite some time. There was little doubt as to why that was._

_About a year ago, Sirius had had a prank go wrong at a dinner party which resulted in dear Aunt Sagitta's nose to grow large green hairy warts. Needless to say, she was not very impressed with the mixed up potion and hexed him rather badly._

_Seeing her eldest under a particularly nasty freezing spell, Victoria Black immediately came to his aid. And Sirius saw first hand what Black family loyalty really was. He watched as his mother railed at her sister for attacking him, behaving as though Aunt Sagitta had used an Unforgivable rather than a mere freezing hex. At the aunt's insistence of his delinquency, Mrs. Black sent her from the house. No one had heard from the younger sister since._

_When he later asked his mother about it as she treated some minor freeze burns, she replied that although he had been stupid and reckless, it did not give Sagitta the right to attack him like that. Family protects family, she said grimly. Even from each other._

_Sirius walked with his favorite younger cousin for a while, contemplating what his mother had said that day. For all her complaints against him, the boy knew that he was loved. The worry she couldn't hide in her eyes that afternoon, the pride as she spoke of him, even the protectiveness she showed when he was attacked. Yes, she was his heir, and she expected things of him. And yes, she was harsh, usually overly so. And of course he knew that the dark path she often strayed to was no path for him._

_But she was family. She was his mother. And he owed it to her to try his hardest. They had to protect each other._

"Andromeda was right to leave as soon as she could," Sirius muttered to himself finishing up with Buckbeak's leg. His cousin always spoke of leaving the family to pursue bigger and better things. And she supported him as much as she could when he ran away from home.

"I thought we were a family," he whispered his own prayer to his dead mother. "We were supposed to protect each other."

'Even from each other,' his mind said back. The family came first. Anyone who jeopardized the family was cast out, even if that person was a member of the family. He was deemed too risky to bring back. Especially when little perfect Regulus was a much better choice. And look where that one's actions led him.

"Black!" The voice of Snape snapped him to attention. He groaned out loud giving his feathered companion an annoyed look.

"Isn't he supposed to be teaching or something? Why can't he let me be?"

"Sirius Black! If you're in this house come here now!" Why was the Potions Master's voice so… distressed? "Enough games, Black! You'd better be in this house or I'll…"

"What the bloody hell do you want, Snape?" he shouted back, coming to the top of the stairs. "This had better be good."

Severus came to the bottom of the same stairs and stared up at him. "What have you been doing, Black?"

"How is it your business? Don't tell me you left school just to check up on me." He narrowed his eyes. "I've been in here the whole time just like I was ordered."

"You haven't left Grimmauld Place once?" The teacher was still agitated by something. Why couldn't he just drop the games and come out and say what was wrong?

"I haven't if it's any of your concern. Now would you tell me what has your wand in a knot?!"

Severus' face contorted into an angry grimace. "Stupid boy!" he cursed to himself. "Can't he listen to anything I tell him?! I tell him to close off his mind and what does he do? Stupid boy goes and…"

"If you're talking about Harry, you'll kindly stop it," Sirius descended the stairs, not liking the man's tone about the boy. "Or I'll see that you stop it." No one insulted his Harry and got away with it. Family protected family.

"Your precious Harry has gone off and caused trouble again," Snape's attention went back to the taller man in front of him. "Inform Dumbledore when he arrives that I have called the Order."

"Why? What's going on?" When Snape ignored him and headed for the door, he grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. He kept his voice down so as not to awaken his mother's portrait, but lacked none of his fierceness. "Tell me, Snape. What happened to Harry?"

"He's gone missing if you must know," the professor responded, ripping himself from his rival's grip. At Sirius' stricken face he went on. "He thinks the Dark Lord has captured you at the Department of Mysteries and now he and a group of his lackeys are missing as well as that Umbridge woman."

"You think he's gone to the Ministry?" Sirius' heart clenched in his chest. If Harry was heading into a trap…

"Of course he's bloody gone to the Ministry!" Snape whispered back fiercely. "He's walking right into a trap thinking he's saving your worthless arse. If the Order doesn't get there soon he's as good as dead. So if you'll let me get on with…"

"I'm going too! You can't expect me to sit here while he's in danger." Sirius reached into his back pocket for the wand he always kept there.

"You'll do as you're bloody told, Black," Severus hissed. "If you go you'll just make things worse."

"We're wasting time arguing about this. I'm going and you can't stop me." Sirius' wasted and haunted eyes were lit with a fire seen only when Harry's well-being was in danger. The Potions Master saw this was a wasted effort and wisely gave up in disgust. Those two would be the downfall of each other.

"Do as you will, Black. If you get yourself or him killed it'll be your own fault." He stormed out of the door angrily. "See that Dumbledore gets the message either way. He is to meet the Order there. I will not be going so I won't attract suspicion."

Sirius raced back to Kreacher's little home in the kitchen. "Kreacher!" he called out, commanding his vassal to come to him.

The old House Elf waddled out of his cabinet, a wary look in his eye. "Master called?" he asked.

"When Dumbledore comes, tell him that the Order has gone to the Ministry to rescue Harry immediately and that he is to meet us there. I'll be going too. Do you understand?"

The Elf nodded immediately, relaxed from whatever earlier anxiety held him. "Kreacher understands."

"You will stand by the door until he comes and tell him right away," Sirius repeated, emphasizing the importance of this. "You will do exactly as he tells you."

When the Elf nodded again, he ran back to the front door, eager to go to his godson's aid. Passing his mother's portrait's closed curtain, he paused for a moment. Just in case he was not able to in the future, he had to make his peace with her in his own way. It had been nagging at him for a while and it was now that it needed to be done.

"I'm sorry things turned out the way they did, Mother," he whispered softly so as not to wake her. "But I could not live the life you wanted me to. I just wish you could have understood that. Harry is my family now and I'll go to the ends of the earth for him and further if needed. You taught me the importance of family and I thank you for it. My family just didn't happen to be with you, that's all. My family was a group of three misfits and a boy. But…" he looked to the open door and then back to the closed curtain. "I'm not angry with you. Not anymore. I'm a Black, whatever that means anymore. And I remind myself all the time that even if we had totally different views on the world that, somewhere, you are watching and making sure I can die with my head held high. I won't hide from you anymore. But I won't shirk my duties to my godson. He's my world now. But know that, in the end, I love you and father and Reg too."

Time was running out and soon his world may be crashing down on him as it walked further and further into a trap. Not sparing old problems another thought, he dashed out of the house on all fours. Now he had to focus entirely on the situation at hand. In the back of his mind he knew that should he fall he could now hold his head up high. Just as his mother raised him to do.

Kreacher watched his Master leave, wringing his old gnarly hands in excitement. "Mistress," he squealed to the portrait. "Mistress, Kreacher has done well."

"What have you done, Kreacher?" the rarely soft voice of the dead woman drifted out from behind the curtain. Her voice was sleepy and lacked the bite it normally did. She only spoke this way to her devoted servant when the entire house was empty of heathens and half-breeds.

"He has sent that Sirius boy away to the Department of Mysteries. Kreacher has sent him to certain death. The house will no longer be sullied by him and his kind."

Her portrait said nothing for a while. Thinking she had gone back to sleep, Kreacher waddled to the door as he was ordered, never able to refuse a direct command. But he was jovial now, happy for a ruse well done. Master had never suspected a thing.

When the covered portrait spoke again, it was even softer than before. "But wasn't it nice to have the manor filled with children and laughter and Blacks again…"

_So you live in me  
And I live in you  
And the rest is for love to tell  
That nothing escapes  
The wind blowing through  
The feathers, the bones, and the shells  
The feathers, the bones, and the shells_

FIN

A/N: All done! Wheeee! Sorry it took so long, so I added 2 more pages than normal to make up for it. Thank you to Madum Pudifoot (I love your name btw) and of course to Nuwie. Your email response is on its way. I also added some info for Memphis Soul Song for you so you aren't lost.

Once again, I recommend this song, but unfortunately I can't remember for the life of me who sang it.


End file.
